Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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