My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
