I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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