i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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