weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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