The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You just made me feel so damn special
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
