well I can't set my house on fire every night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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