p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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