i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
