I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
4 words: hood of his car
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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