Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You smell like a Billy Joel song
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
