Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
