Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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