My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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