If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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