I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Less talking, more tequila
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
