My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
