who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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