i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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