DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
