am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
