Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
