Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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