Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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