Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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