so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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