i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
