I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
