he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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