I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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