I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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