What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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