you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
