I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My dick has a subreddit
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
