That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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