I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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