Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
