If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
