the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
