i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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