Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
