i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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