I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
