I cockslap morals
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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