I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
