I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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