Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
