Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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