No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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