Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
