Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
