he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
