I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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