It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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