My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Houston, we have a blender
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
