Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
