Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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