i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
