he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
