I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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