I feel great
I just peed on a car
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
